


never loved a darker blue

by captaintiny



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angry Sex, F/M, bonus points for whoever gets the outlander reference, damn percy back at it again with those suicidal tendencies, i also definitely borrowed something from a fight in one of the first episodes, in which vex punches percy in the face and ten years are added to my life, mentions of everyone else but not really enough to warrant character tags, no spoilers the time setting in this is really ambiguous, percy is in fact 4 mental illnesses stacked in a trench coat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-03 07:32:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8703319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captaintiny/pseuds/captaintiny
Summary: Percy is in a bad place. He's not letting anyone else in, and he either can't, or won't deal with the problem alone. Vex is scared, and angry, and he leaves her with very little choice about how to intervene.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [katyfaise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/katyfaise/gifts).



> Written for my darling Katy, who has been the most wonderful enabler. The first draft of this was sent to her at 2am in all caps.

Percy takes aim and fires. The shot echoes from wall to wall and Vex follows its path at it hits the ogre squarely in the chest, who doesn't even have time to howl in pain before it crumples to the ground.

"Nice shot, Percy!" 

Vex can hear the smile in her brother's voice from 50 feet away. She doesn't turn to look at him, however. Her eyes snap back to Percy -- watching him as intently as she can whilst still letting arrows loose -- but his face is a grim set line as he returns the gun to his belt and swings Bad News out of its holster and into his arms. He trains it on the flying creature currently diving for Pike and squeezes the trigger. The recoil slams him against the rocky process that he's backed against and she sees him wince in pain, feeling that all too familiar anger of recent weeks rising in her chest. The creature falls at Pike's feet, a smoking hole where its abdomen should have been.

There are now four trolls bursting in through the tiny entrance to the cavern and Vex looses three arrows into one as Grog swings his axe at another. Vax's dagger goes whistling past her ear and sinks into the chest of the one she just shot. She smiles as the troll goes to wrench it free and it disappears, knowing it will have returned to Vax's belt. 

The ground begins to rumble and Vex's stomach drops out through her boots. A bulette bursts through the floor, its roar ringing in her ears. They probably would have avoided it if they hadn't managed to stumble into the group of ogres, but the resulting cacophony had brought it straight to them.

The group splits wordlessly. Pike, Scanlan, Vax and Vex go for the trolls; Keyleth, Percy and Grog turn their attention to the bulette. Her and Vax work in sync to take down the first troll, felling it in under a minute. But it was the smallest of the group, and Vex grits her teeth, ready for things to get rough. 

_Boom. Boom. Boom._

Vex wheels around to locate the source of the noise. When she finds it, she freezes, lips curled in a snarl of barely concealed rage. The bulette has its teeth firmly clamped around Percy's entire forearm, and the sound is that of him firing blow after blow down its throat. His face is tense with pain but he continues to shoot until he is out of bullets. At least two of them had been fire shots because smoke is now billowing from the mouth of the beast, and she hears a muffled roar of pain as Grog hacks at its soft underbelly. 

It falls over sideways, very much dead, and Vex watches as Percy tears his arm from its grip; his jacket ruined and his arm covered in gouge marks from its teeth. His hand is badly burned, singed where his skin has caught the heat of the blast. Fury bubbles in her chest. She is very close to killing him herself.

"VEX!" Vax yells her name and she wrenches her eyes from Percy to launch an arrow straight into the face of the troll closest to her, which her brother is riding on the back of. He stabs his dagger into its neck and it slumps forwards.

Vax grins triumphantly. "Two down, two to go!" 

The rest of the battle is over in ten minutes. An owlbird follows the trolls, but finally, the group stands together surrounded by bodies and silence, save for the heavy sound of their breathing. 

Vex directs her attention to Percy. He is ashen faced and shaking; his left arm is almost unrecognisable as an arm anymore; it's covered in blood and his skin is in ribbons, and he sways momentarily before dropping like a stone. 

"Percy!" Pike yells as Percy collapses, immediately dropping to his side.  Her hands glow with divine power as she hovers over the ruined flesh, restoring his health to him. Vex watches as the ragged gouges on his arm knit themselves together and colour returns to his pallid cheeks. His jacket sleeve is still ruined, and Vex feels a harsh jolt of satisfaction. Percy stirs, and blinks, eyes focusing on Pike above him. The group lets out a collective breath.

He sits up, and groans a little. "Ouch," he says, wincing with a humourless smile, and Pike smiles back sympathetically. He looks up at Vex. She does not smile back. 

"We should get moving," Vax says, touching her hand. It is enough to calm her, for the moment, and Vex turns away. Pike sees to anyone else who needs immediate attention, and then the party continue on their way through the mountain tunnel.

They are underground for what seems like hours. There is little to no light; everybody is effectively blind and they stumble along in a line, running their hands along the walls to find their way. Eventually, the tunnel begins to widen and a pinprick of light appears in the far distance. It grows brighter and larger as they walk towards it until they are close enough to feel a light breeze from beyond it. There is an instant sense of relief from the group, and they all step through it into the open, fresh air, blinking in the sudden sunlight. 

Scanlan immediately flops down on the grass and stretches contentedly. Vex rolls her eyes at the gnome but says nothing as everyone takes a moment to rest. Encountering an entire hoard on their way through the mountain hadn't exactly been on their to-do list. 

They wander downwards through the trees until they find somewhere appropriate to set up camp for the night. Vex pitches her tent far more savagely than is necessary, and while everyone else is laughing and relaxing around the campfire, she eats her dinner in stony silence. As the sun starts to set, beginning to dip below the peak of the mountain, she stands up. 

"I'm going for a walk," she announces, and turns on her heel before anyone can even respond with affirmation. 

Vex strides deeper into the trees, hands shaking with anger. She has been watching Percy slipping further and further back into that dark place in his mind, and in every battle for the last month at least, he has been playing a game of 'how little regard can Percival de Rolo have for his own life during a fight'. He is being constantly reckless, but what makes it worse is that it isn't because he's being thoughtless; he knows exactly what he's doing. It's plain he is going into every fight expecting to die and is clearly disappointed when he comes out breathing the other end.

But he won't fucking talk to her about it. She's tried to ignore it; the way he pulls stunts at the cost of his own health. She's not pushed him, she's given him space, she understands that sometimes he needs to work through things alone. 

But _that_ is precisely the issue. He _isn't_ working through it. And Vex isn't about to lose him just because he'd woken up one morning and decided that his life was worthless. 

"Vex?"

She freezes and her hands ball into fists. Perfect. Percy is absolutely the last person she wants to see right now. She wheels around to glare at him, anger blazing in her eyes. He takes a small step back. 

"What?" She demands.

"Vex? What an earth is the matter?"

There is genuine concern in his voice but Vex can't help it; she lets out a small, humourless laugh of disbelief. She can't conceive that Percy genuinely has no idea what her problem is, but at this moment she is far too angry to talk to him about it. She is far beyond peaceful negotiation or talking it out at this point, so she does the only thing that makes sense to her in that moment; the only thing she thinks might possibly make him understand, and with a frustrated yell she swings her fist straight into his jaw.

Percy cries out in pain and staggers backwards, looking at her in complete bewilderment, anger clouding his own face. "What the _fuck_ Vex?" He shouts, clutching his mouth in pain and spitting a mass of blood onto the leaves by his feet. 

She doesn't respond, she just hurls her other fist straight into his stomach. He doubles over, winded and Vex lands another blow on his back before he has time to respond and he falls to his knees. She goes to punch him again but this time his arm snaps out and knocks her legs out from under her. All the breath is forced from her lungs with a _whoosh_ as she lands on her back, staring at the canopy.

Percy gets unsteadily to his feet and wipes more blood away from his lips. "What the _fuck_?" He asks again, breathless, clearly pissed off and apparently still completely oblivious, which only serves to make Vex angrier. She jumps to her feet.

" _You_ are the matter!" She all but screams at him. " _You_ with your fucking "I don't care what happens to me in fights" attitude! You with your refusal to admit you're hurt and your insistence that you fight on barely healed wounds _knowing_ that it will aggravate them! _You_ and your fucking reckless attitude and your silence and your sudden insistence that it doesn't matter if you live or die! _YOU ARE THE MATTER_!"

She takes another swing and hears a sickening crunch as her knuckles collide with his nose.

" _What the fuck Vex_?" She shouts, mocking him angrily as he gasps in pain, "what the fuck _yourself_ , Percy! What is _with_ this suicide mission you have set yourself on?"

She kicks him this time, right in the kneecap. Another yell of pain. _Good_.

"Why do you suddenly want nothing more than to go down in a blaze of glory? Why are you so on harming yourself? _WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO ME ABOUT IT_?!" 

She's done with words now and she gives in completely. She's fucking furious and she knows it's mostly fuelled by the raw terror that claws at her every time she thinks about losing him, but she stopped caring about that a while ago. She launches at him with a yell and bowls him over, throwing punches wherever she can land them. He's not taking it lightly, throwing back as many as he's getting, and the two of them are rolling around in the dirt intent on causing as much damage as possible; Vex is screaming at him because she doesn't know how else to get the message across, and Percy definitely just gave her a black eye, roaring just as angrily back.  

Neither of them have a distinct advantage so Vex knows the fight is going to go on until they either exhaust themselves or one of them relents. She refuses to let it be her; she keeps kicking and punching and biting any part of Percy she can find. He rolls them over with a yell and pins her to the floor, and she's about to wrench free with a well-timed knee to his stomach when his lips collide with hers. It's not a pleasant kiss; it's full of teeth and anger and she kisses him back just as savagely because he isn't going to win this by trying to distract her, but then she feels his hand rubbing hard between her legs and she moans through gritted teeth because she hates him right now, she fucking hates him, but sweet mother of Pelor, he knows _exactly_ how to undo her. 

His hand is rough and unforgiving, but she can give as good as she gets, and she grips him through his trousers tightly in her fist. He bites down on her lip with a snarl, hard enough to draw blood. She knees him in the chest just for good measure and in response he digs his nails into her thigh and presses his thumb far too hard against her clit through the fabric, and Vex gasps in pain. 

Percy all but rips her trousers off of her and she does the same with his, and the cool evening air is suddenly around her legs and back. She growls at him, flipping them both over with a burst of strength until she's straddling his hips. They're both staring at each other with fury in their eyes, chests heaving and teeth bared, and Vex has never been so angry in her entire life, but _fuck_ , she still wants him. She wastes no time settling herself around him and he thrusts up into her hard and fast and _oh_ , it _hurts_ , but she's so furious with him that she doesn't care. 

Both of them are growling and panting as they move against each other. Blood is still running from Percy's nose and the glass in one side of his frames is cracked; Vex can feel a bruise from his boot already starting to blossom on her thigh, but she uses the anger and pain to ride Percy harder than she has done in recent memory. 

"Percival Frederickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III," she manages to say in between breaths, "what the _fuck_ is your problem?"

His glower falters slightly and he digs his nails harder into her hips, dragging a gasp from the back of her throat.  "I am not a good man, Vex. I am full of vengeance and steel and hate and--" he moans as Vex tightens around him, and his eyes darken. "The best thing I can do is go down fighting, defending good peopl-- _fuck!"._ He tears his gaze away from her and growls with a particularly forceful thrust. 

"You're fucking wrong, Percy." Vex says. "But that's not _my_ problem. Your life isn't a commodity to throw away. We need you.  _I_ need you." She rolls her hips, chest heaving. "But you have to let me _help._  Whatever the fuck _this_  is," she gestures helplessly at him, " _we_ are going to work through it."

Percy doesn't respond, he doesn't do _anything_ , and Vex wants to scream because she cannot and will not lose him to the darkness in his head without a goddamned fight. Effortlessly and without breaking rhythm, Vex pulls one of her daggers out of her belt and presses the edge to Percy's throat.

Impressively, he doesn't falter. He just fucks her harder, gritting his teeth. 

"Mark my words, Percival," she says, speech remarkably steady despite the fact every one of his movements is filling her vision with tiny stars, "if you keep this up, and something foul doesn't kill you in battle, I _will_." The anger in her voice has turned ice cold, and she pushes the blade into his throat a fraction harder. 

"Fine," he spits, venomously and with a curt nod.

Vex drops the dagger and it hits the earth with a soft _thump._ She wrenches Percy into a sitting position by his shirt, slamming her mouth into his, pushing her hips down hard into every one of his upward thrusts. It's a mess of teeth and nails and blood and hair pulling; she tells him she hates him too many times to count, and they come together quickly and hard within a matter of minutes. 

They spend a moment in each other's embrace, breathing heavily and allowing themselves to recover. Then Vex remembers she hates Percy at the moment and rolls off of him to lie on the cool ground, the dull ache of her many bruises and sting of grazes slowly becoming more noticeable as the high of the sex wears off. She can hear Percy a foot to her left, groaning softly and sniffling. She hadn't mean to break his nose, but she didn't really regret it. 

 She goes to retrieve her trousers as soon as she is able to stand, and she's already started to walk back towards the camp when Percy's voice stops her.

"Vex." 

There's something in his tone that doesn't immediately make her want to punch him again, and she turns. 

He's re-dressed himself as well, and he's leaning against a tree, apparently very interested in the patch of ground just in front of his feet.

"Yes?" She asks. Her voice is soft. He looks up at her, and she sees that he is about to cry. 

"I'm sorry." He says, matter-of-factly. She can hear a thousand unspoken words in his apology, all of them about how she's right and he's been stupid and he absolutely deserved to be punched in the face, and it is so fundamentally _Percy_ that she almost laughs. She manages to hold it back but she does, however, walk back over and place a tender kiss on his cheek. 

"I forgive you," she murmurs. 

He looks at her, silently asking for permission for something, but she's not quite sure what. She nods, anyway. 

He leans down and kisses her like he's a drowning man at an oasis. It's fierce, desperate, and full of love, but it lacks all the viciousness of their recent encounter. Vex wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him closer, kissing him until her lungs remind her that her mouth has other uses far more fundamental to survival. She pulls away, just an inch, and smiles a little. There will be time to talk properly later. 

"You still have some blood on your nose."

She wipes away a smear, gently; reverently, and then she turns to walk back to her tent.

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes the only way Vex can get Percy to understand that she loves him is to sock him in the jaw. Kudos and comments always appreciated. <3


End file.
